How to repare deep harm?

I sit with myself, as everyday, with a warm cup of tea and listen to a very soft music which brings me also the sensation of warmth like the cup of tea.

Healing oneself

My child inside has missed this type of treat for most of her childhood. At that time life seemed very unloving and hectic, I missed my mum hugs so much. I usually just got harsh words and slaps. Everything seemed so insecure to be able to relax and trust…

Now with my tea, I feel my chronic anxiety inside, wondering how could I transform it, as I have been trying for so long now. I am out of ideas…

But there is this sensation inside coming from the loving music I am listening to: If I miss so much the connection why am I always avoiding to be connected and I feel more secure by myself?

Of course the answer to this question is the childhood trauma, but is there no possibility to overcome childhood trauma?? First, we totally erase the trauma from our consciousness to lock it in our subconscious, so we go in life acting strange but we don’t even know why: why do we experience such a huge pain in certain situations?? We make the assumption that the other person made this and that and it is not our fault. Yes, it is not our fault, but still we cannot understand deeply why we are having this huge reaction over this issue that other people seem to tolerate. Pain is the thread we can pull to recover what we threw to our subconscious and start to talk to that side of us that feels wounded and not so good… and this is the hardest part because getting in contact with our wound is painful, who would like to do that?

Unfortunately, pain is not going to go anywhere, it will keep appearing reminding us that we have a wound we haven’t take care of properly. So I sit with my tea and allow the pain to come and be there, for my tears to drop, for my body to feel, for my emotions to flow… and then what?

Then… my child inside is able to talk to me: I am so scared of people, people usually behave good when they feel good, but when they are feeling bad, they behave bad. I am so scared of people behaving bad, makes me feel so frightened. I feel they are going to harm me.

And I am able to talk to my child: yes my child, mum and dad were very unaware of their pain, they were holding huge pain, therefore they behaved bad and harm their kids with no consciousness. They were in deep pain. They were just asking for help from you. That is the reason they behaved in a harmful way. They could not do better. Now you received their harm, you can only help them heal by healing yourself.

Dar voz al niño (Giving voice to the child) is an amazing work from Yvonne Laborda, a Spanish conscious mum working for awareness in the way children are receiving the harm that parents could not heal. She points out in her work how we adults can heal our wounded child through reparation. Taking time to listen to our child inside in order to be able to name what is causing the pain and then taking action for ourselves, giving ourselves what we could not receive during our childhood definitely heals.

For sure, the journey to transform our wound requires time and care. I keep sitting with my tea and giving to myself what I missed so much for so long time, I know it is going to be a long long journey, and painful, but I really don’t want to remain in pain the rest of my life anymore. I am choosing to take care of this long pain now, only I can do it. Slowly it will heal at some point, like every wound, it will find its way to heal.

Just sit with yourself my friend, we all deserve that, just some little attention, a time when our full presence is being there just with us, just for us.

With love and care.

#healingtrauma #healinganxiety #healingdepression #givinguscare #loveheals #awareness #yogakanchay